...But words will never harm me. I first heard this in elementary school and soon realized that words cut way deeper and leave much worse scars than sticks and stones. I learned in kindergarten that being shy and dressing differently than others opened up a whole world for bullies and unkind words. Throughout my school life I was made fun of, jeered at, hair pulled, name called, clothes torn, and treated as a pariah. I enjoyed Christian college because, for the first time I was not dealing with bullies. I guess I was pretty naive to think that being bullied was in my past and that now, as an adult, I would not face cruel people. One of the things that hurt most is when I discover that a person who calls me friend when alone with me, says unkind things about me and joins in with bullies when they are with people they want to impress. If I mention the inconsistency to the individual they lie and deny what I could plainly see. Is it any wonder that I am difficult to get to know? The sad thing is that I've had this happen over and over. In fact, it is happening at my workplace now.
I had a chance to apply for a different position which might be a nice step up. I made it through the two interviews and am now waiting to see if I am offered the job. In the meantime, I have noticed being treated differently by a couple people who call me "friend". It really hurts to be treated like I don't exist when others are present, but as a "buddy" when no one from their dept. is near. I was told that the dept. team don't believe I "fit", that the dept. was too laid back for me. The truth is, I am not a member of a sorority, my politics do not aline with them, and I am white. The sad thing is, I have overheard conversations by this group about "white privilege", how white cops enjoy killing blacks, etc. That bothers me a lot, especially since these are the very people who set up training for diversity and harassment. I have read some Facebook posts by some of these individuals that, in this day and age, might put their jobs at risk. There is obviously a leader of this group of bullies. What I can't imagine is why the followers allow the influences to poison them. People who so obviously wish to be independent thinkers and leaders are allowing someone else to manipulate and control them.
This group is trying to bully me into turning down the job I applied for. Let me make this perfectly clear, if I turn the job down, it will be because I saw a better opportunity elsewhere. However, I see it as a compliment that I am such a threat to these bullies that they have to work so hard to intimidate me. If I decide to take the job, they need to recognize that I have been in this position many times. I have faced bullies all my life and though I appear to be an easy mark, I am experienced and battle-scarred. I will not accept the lead bully as my leader. I have learned to stand alone, even though ostracized from the group. I have also learned to build allies to stand with me. I will do what I have to to survive wherever I am.
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